tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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