Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
