I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
