Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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