i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
