she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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