Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
