He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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