Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
