Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
