Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize