i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
