dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
