i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
