i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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