Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
