We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
