Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
