I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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