A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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