We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
