i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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