Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
