I have demons in me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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