easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
