Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
