Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
