Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there is glitter all over my balls
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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