i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
