Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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