in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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