dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
