I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
