i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
