the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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