Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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