No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
