this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
