She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
