did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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