I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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