I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
