apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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