You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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