Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
