Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
