The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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