He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
