that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
