I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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