my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
