Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
