i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
