i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The best revenge is premature balding
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
