Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
