There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
