Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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