She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I pour the whiskey from now on
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