He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
