On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
