and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
