the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
