Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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