I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
