I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
