I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
