Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
