Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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  (773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet. http://tfl.nu/w01w
  Replies (40) Good night (4358) Bad night (457)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (1035) Bad night (5677) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

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  (239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b
  Replies (11) Good night (1249) Bad night (3515) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?

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  (520): Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right? http://tfl.nu/vsia
  Replies (5) Good night (1958) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

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  (509): We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house. http://tfl.nu/rb9c
  Replies (3) Good night (2299) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.

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  (864): Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot. http://tfl.nu/kmo6
  Replies (8) Good night (3970) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.

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  (315): She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts. http://tfl.nu/f020
  Replies (10) Good night (1888) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river

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  (518): hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river http://tfl.nu/791q
  Replies (12) Good night (2489) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.

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  (520): Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell. http://tfl.nu/mi1d
  Replies (11) Good night (1823) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me

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  (214): I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me http://tfl.nu/sx3p
  Replies (9) Good night (1360) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

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  (208): If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that. http://tfl.nu/eu5z
  Replies (5) Good night (1722) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.

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  (601): Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator. http://tfl.nu/qsk4
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

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  (289): God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore. (519): Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor. http://tfl.nu/xdad
  Replies (8) Good night (1100) Bad night (245)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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  (479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd
  Replies (5) Good night (515) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.

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  (714): Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday. http://tfl.nu/bnh5
  Replies (1) Good night (1183) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt

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