you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me