I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.