Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.