After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.