i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.