and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
