College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
