peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i now understand why vodka
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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