Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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