well I can't set my house on fire every night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
