I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
