We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
