You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
