i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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